Sista inlägget - Vila i frid!
Den 23 juni somnade Jessicka in på Långbroparks vårdavdelning. Hon hade innan detta legat på sjukhus sedan tre veckor tillbaka, då hon gång på gång fick stopp i tarmarna. Man pratade om en stomioperation för att få ordning på det. Men när man gick in med via titthål så var det omöjligt att säga vad som var upp och ner och vad som var vad. Allt var sammanvuxet. Istället enades man tillsammans med Jessicka om att sätta in en pegg till magsäcken för att kunna släppa ut det hon drack där. Man var också tydlig med att hon inte skulle kunna äta fast föda igen. Under den här perioden brottades Jessicka även med extremt mycket vätska i kroppen. Eftersom hon inte åt och fick all näring i dropp, så lyckades hon inte få ut allt. Trots att hon fick furex.
Hennes sista veckor i livet var till stor del ganska tråkiga eftersom hon satt fast på en vårdavdelning på SÖS som inte behandlar palliativt. Dom behandlar för att hela tiden få upp värden i kroppen och för att rädda liv. Men ett liv som inte går att räddas kanske inte alltid mår så bra av mängder av dropp och vätska. Så när Jessicka tillslut flyttades till Långbro var hon i mycket dåligt skick och behandlingen ändrades dramatiskt. Så dramatiskt att vi samma morgon som Jessicka dog hade ett långt samtal med hennes läkare. Läkaren förklarade skillnaden mellan SÖS vårdavdelning och Långbropark. Hur dom behandlar sina patienter väldigt olika.
När onkologen sa drygt ett år tidigare att Jessicka hade två år kvar att leva så var det ett extremt hårt slag. En blixt från klar himmel. Vi bestämde oss att det inte fick stämma och sa att Jessicka skulle klara sig mycket längre än så. Hon var relativt ung och statistiken var säkert baserade på personer som var mer än pensionsålder. Hon var ju dessutom van att vara sjuk och hade flera gånger släpat fram kroppen med urusla blodvärden och högt CRP. Hon skulle klara sig längre. Tre år kanske?
Hade vi vetat facit så hade nog inte Jessicka skjutit upp allt. Hon ville skriva massor av brev till Bella. Inga blev egentligen skrivna. Hon ville skapa presenter åt Bella för varje födelsedag. Det blev aldrig gjort. Alla mamma och dotter tillfällen kring att växa upp från en liten tjej till en kvinna. Där skulle det finnas små lådor för varje tillfälle. Men dom finns inte. Inte ens lapparna i böckerna som Jessicka skrivit om i bloggen tidigare verkar finnas.
Tomheten är så total! Dagarna efter Jessickas död försökte jag vara effektiv. Ringde runt och fixade med både det ena och andra. Fram till begravningen var jag rätt produktiv. Men sen tog det stopp! Inget blir gjort! Jag fattar konstiga beslut och har svårt att fokusera. Jag hoppas verkligen att vardagen ska få ordning på detta snart. För just nu går det inget bra.
Jessicka begravdes den 11 juli på lilla dalens begravningsplats i Tumba. Det var en mycket fin ceremoni och jag vill tacka alla om var med under dagen och gjorde vårt avsked till henne så fint.
Jag vill också skicka ett stort tack till alla som läst Jessickas blogg. Jag vet att var otroligt viktiga för Jessicka. Hon blev alltid så glad när hon såg att det var folk som varit inne på hennes blogg.
Vila i frid min älskade Jessicka!
Så sorgligt. Vila i frid.
Så sorgligt. Vila i frid.
Jag har följt hennes blogg och önskar att hon får vila nu och att ni i familjen får kraft att fortsätta vidare utan denna fantastiska tjej!
Även jag har följt Jessicas blogg och känner nu starkt med hennes familj. Trist att sista tiden blev så jobbig.
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